Simple Complexity

Will be missed.

2008-09-18T21:17:00.002+08:00

She left us.
to find something which we couldn't give her.
on the same day and same date as grandpa.
18th September.
Have a safe journey.
and may you find some comfort there.

Equation.

2008-09-01T21:53:00.002+08:00

if i can buy a minute of your time, how much will it be?
if i can give you a minute of my time, will it cost less?

Update!

2008-08-24T22:15:00.003+08:00

Woah... it's been so long.. i'm so unfamiliar with this all of a sudden. Hahaha..

Let me explain, the studying phase and working phase of life is completely different. i've spent most of my 25 years of life studying and complaining about exams and schoolwork.. now that study phase is over, i'm gonna complain about the virtually non existence of life i'm having. let's see, working in keppelfels takes up 5.5 days of my week. it's not that this job sucks, on the contrary, i'm loving the intensity of it! (call me crazy) but this job seriously saps helluva lot of energy.. fancy waking up at 530 six days a week.. explains why i rather stay home and sleep.

So, in short, if you are still studying, quit complaining and cherish it. And if you are working like i'm now, just live with it.

I thought i should update this blog a little when i'm still fresh and who knows when is my next fresh date. haa.

my friend just said something interesting to me.

"you're still living in your fat shadow"

which i agree and like to add, it gives me and others lotsa shade as well! =)

Unofficial graduate.

2008-05-08T00:14:00.002+08:00

With a thank you, i finally ended my 4 years of university life.
packing up these moments.
leaving behind memories.

with a tear i couldn't cry,
and a smile i couldn't smile,
i am bidding you farewell,
remembering the times,
the good and the bad.

i will hear the whispers of fun and laughter i've once enjoyed,
when i pass by,
in this cosy little corner i call seven.

thank you for the memories
and i leave with all but a little regret.

Back to one.

2008-03-24T19:47:00.002+08:00

it's been a long time since i last made an entry.
oh wells, blame it on fyp bah... i've finally finished and handed up my report draft and if all's well, it'll be my final report! yay.. hahaha.. guessed im too tired to be that happy now..

the start of the year hasn't been more eventful...
these few months i've lost some and win some.. don't ask me what.. i like to leave things ambiguous.. =)

i'm not really in the mood to start sprouting nonsense especially after writing a 90+ page report.. so i'll end this blog with a little thinking..

listening is an effort to hear.
raindrops on the roof, words in a sentence, rythm in music.
listening to tones which could make a word means so much more.
listening brings peace, bliss, trust and enjoyment.
listening is unmeasurable, unquantifiable.

i'm talking crap.
but are you listening?

Leaving behind a memory.

2008-01-16T23:00:00.000+08:00

she's gone.

time: 1555hrs.

Beginning of the end.

2008-01-15T22:10:00.000+08:00

Yep.. beginning of a new year spells the beginning of my last sem. it was like yesterday when i just came into NTU.
now, i'm going to say goodbye. soon. well.. school's not going to be the 1st thing i may be saying goodbye to.
greatgrandma's not doing well. im praying, wishing, hoping she'll get better. im expecting her to be around when i get married =) which also means she will reach at least a century of years! a little faith goes a long way..

A little update on hall... we crashed out of softball preliminaries.. huge disappointment.. at least i m still in the running for hockey gold.. so looking forward to the finals..

not really in the mood to talk right now.. let's look forward next time for some good news =)

Christmas.

2007-12-20T01:20:00.000+08:00

First blog since exams are over.
don't know how i will fare but i'm crossing my fingers.
been so busy with IH and FYP. more of IH i guess. lol.
final year le... must recover a bit of lost pride before i leave this memorable place.
want to achieve something before i go.
i was re-reading SLAMDUNK comics. just the sudden fever of wanting to read it.
haha.. i'm sure able to relate to some of the characters in the comics.
this holidays are short and i hope everyone's enjoying every minute of it!
happy holidays and a merry xmas! hohoho!

beneath every despair lies hope.
beneath every tear lies joy.
beneath emptiness lies love.
beneath it all lies you.

4 more days.

2007-11-26T01:05:00.000+08:00

4 more days.
96 more hours.
5760 more minutes.
345600 more seconds.
To the finishing line. To breaking free. To the end of a sem.

"i've chosen this path. on this unchartered trail i will make my way."

give me something to smile about.

Lousy start.

2007-10-23T14:05:00.000+08:00

Just had my first and my last presentation for this semester.
And i must say how it sucks.
thought of having my script as my reference
and boy, do i refer to it much.
argh....
should have just started without the script in hand.
and it turns out to be a lousy presentation despite the preparation.
=(

you will never take just one bite of the juicy red apple.
how true.

Sometimes.

2007-10-16T03:38:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, you just want to take a step back.
sometimes, you just want to enjoy the breeze.
sometimes, you wish you have a little more money.
sometimes, you wish you have a little more time.
sometimes, you wonder what ifs.
sometimes, you wonder why.
sometimes, you hope she'll leave your mind.
sometimes, you hope she'll stay a little longer.
sometimes, you think she's the one.
sometimes, you think wrong.
sometimes, it's about sometimes.

Post Production.

2007-09-05T03:31:00.001+08:00

As the curtains closes for the last time, my heart's heavy yet light.
A responsibility undertaken has finally lifted with the closure of lights.
happy faces. relieved moments. unspeakable emotions.

As i gave my final bow, it's not only to the unbelievable audience,
but to the extraordinary cast, to the incredible committee
and last but not least, to the very hall which has given me so many memories.

As i soak up the moment, the warmth of the spotlight, the feel of the stage,
the journey to this production flashes in the back of my head.
it was never a smooth trip but should i turn back time,
i will gladly do it all over again. Once again, thank you.
for without you, it'll be nothing.

In Your Shoes.

2007-09-05T03:26:00.000+08:00

time and again, our hearts were searching
caught in this empty life
hours fly by and we're still wondering
whyand all, these thoughts caught in between
words that we do not see
how different can we
really be

and it can be alright
you'll find inside
that we're all just pieces of the same rhyme
and it can be okay
didn't you realize
the journey has only just begun
stepping in your shoes

traces of memories still follow
don't let them pass us by
embrace the chance
shrug off all the pretence
and all, these thoughts caught in between
words that we do not see
how different can we
really be

and it can be alright
you'll find inside
that we're all just pieces of the same rhyme
and it can be okay
didn't you realize
the journey has only just begun
stepping in your shoes

Broken.

2007-07-28T22:59:00.000+08:00

The metal strap of my watch broke. time to get a new strap. and yes, my watch is still ticking away. =)

Today, i went to town with plans to video people walking. i was kind of worried that someone might get offended with me that i asked my sis along. haa.. actually, i asked her along so that i dun look like a pervert taking videos of others alone. An interesting experience.

my sis fell prey to vainity and got herself braces. "a long term investment", she said. "a vainpot", i said. she had two teeth extracted and is eating like all the elderlies, soluble food. the braces seem to have slowed her rate of eating but not the amount of eating. I seem to be seeing her eat the whole day, albeit eating soluble food. because of her braces, she's gotten real thrifty. All for the sake of better teeth.

oh well, 2 days to foc and a month to prometheus. hope everyone will enjoy this period and everything will be smooth sailing from now on.

Bad day.

2007-07-15T00:05:00.000+08:00

Isn't Friday the 13th supposed to be the unlucky day?
why did Saturday the 14th turned out to be worse?

bad day of Saturday the 14th started at 130 am. yes, a.m. the officers forgot to count strength in the morning and had to count strength just when everyone's sleeping. wth.
we were supposed to book out at 12 but due to some cockups by the higher levels, we're once again delayed though we were treated to some heated arguements between the higher levels.
then, come the news of maternal granny getting the works from my uncle. wtf. she's so old already. what's wrong with getting what you want at such an age?
then, come the expected letter of rejection from the maritime scholarship which turn out to be the least perturbed issued of the day.
lastly, come the boiling point. i received an email from the jcrc president which goes like this,
'Thanks man for skipping the whole chain and make people look bad. While you were waiting, halls were allowed to send in a list of those on the waiting list that we want to get back. I thank you once again for sending the mail down to prof quek. So now i wonder what he would be thinking given that every resident has sent in a request in one way or another, and not to the jcrc. i wonder. really.'
oh, this was in reply to an email i sent to my senior hall fellow regarding hostel allocation for those who failed to secure any rooms in the 1st round. i've dutifully followed the chain of command by checking with members of the JCRC, hall office before looking up to prof quek regarding the issue. JCRC didn't offer me anything, hall office said that they had no control, then i looked to prof quek for solutions and the email was written as per what prof quek said to be written. i think JCRC should look at themselves and get their communication right. what's with all the confidentiality when people needs answers. i'm a chairperson and i have people to answer to, i have other issues to be concerned with, i have things other than hall to be concerned with too. last of all, i don't need this kind of sarcasm. **************

what's with all this shit when i just recovered from food poisoning. what a welcome home.

Reservist ahoy!

2007-07-08T22:54:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow's the start of my 2nd In-Camp Training! So excited!(yar, right.)

Some interesting things happened yesterday.

My family car got hit on the rear by a van. nope, I wasn't the one driving, my mum was driving alone and nope, my mum wasn't injured, thank heavens. we got a black toyota altis as a replacement for a week while little goldie have her rear fixed.

Someone by the name of alvin called. i don't know if it's a prank or someone played a prank on the guy. this alvin guy called and asked if i do wedding videos! well, i'm ok with windows movie maker but do a wedding video!? my gosh, is he expecting a short marriage or what. =D

on a sadder note. my friend got a acceptance letter from sembcorp. my worst fears had came true. sigh. i guess prayers are not as powerful as impressions.

Any a way, i have just found a project to do. Something to keep me occupied for a while in camp!

project a : 1% completed.

Engineers vs Accountants - Who's better with money.

2007-07-04T14:10:00.000+08:00

Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference.
At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.
"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" Asks an accountant.
"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.
They all board the train.
The accountants take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them.
Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please."The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand.
The conductor takes it and moves on.
The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea.
So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all that).
When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip.
To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all.
"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" Says one perplexed accountant.
"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.
When they board the train the three accountants cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby.
The train departs.
Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding.
He knocks on the door and says, Ticket, please."

4 little black chicks.

2007-07-04T13:51:00.000+08:00

Goes in the tune of '3 little ducklings'

4 little black chicks i once knew,
fat ones, chirpy ones, just like you.
and everyday, their chirpings made me really mad.
i really wanna throw them out of the ledge, ledge, ledge.

Under the window ledge, they would chirp,
cheepy cheepy, cheepy cheepy, they would go.
and everyday, their chirpings made me really mad.
i really wanna throw them out of the ledge, ledge, ledge.

-END-

Botched.

2007-06-29T23:24:00.000+08:00

Had my 1st major interview today. fared pretty badly i guess. was told to calm down and increase my volume. had a torrid time trying to answer all the questions fired at the rate of a machine gun. to stop me from feeling nervous she said. tried my utmost to answer and regain my composure. then i did the ultimate boo boo. what's my greatness weakness she asked. my answer, ' i think i'm a lazy person.' . headshot. end of interview. Argh... stupid answer.

bye bye scholarship.

feeling miserable. not because of the lost of scholarship but of that i could have do so much better.

All important week.

2007-06-25T10:38:00.000+08:00

Subject registration. Specialised PEs. Interview. Confirmations.

Hopefully, everything will go smoothly this week! This friday's interview is gonna be my very first major interview in a while... hahaha... not a big fan of interviews... haa... this will determine much of where my future lies le.. aerospace or maritime.. oh man.. hahaha.. wish me luck!

Things are not getting blur-er but it's me getting clearer.

Thanks for cheering me up, cheering me on.

Marathon.

2007-06-20T10:06:00.000+08:00

One by one. they fall off the pace.
reponsibility has all but become a feeble word.
giving up is such an easy option.

but i was the one who decided to run.
and we have given so much to give up now.
to me, success matters.

will you finish this race with me?

Be part of my solution.

2007-06-19T21:31:00.000+08:00

i'm pissed. i'm frustrated. i'm angry. i'm furious.

who's to blame? it's my fault to start with.

2007-06-12T23:40:00.000+08:00

In Your Shoes.

hall 7 present
a hall 7 prometheus production.
showcasing the talents of hall 7.
comingsoon.

All's well.

2007-06-12T23:25:00.000+08:00

2As. 4Bs. One single room.

Gotta be glad with what i got.
though i am not really satisfied.

Finally, a little load off my shoulders.

Forget, to start living.

2007-06-03T01:16:00.000+08:00

As the journey of life adds wrinkles on our faces,
the past slowly unravel like shoelaces.

Things to hide, things not to know.
To protect or so they think they know.

Let's forget and start living.
Since not everything needs solving.

As a star glows in the milky way,
i hope to see you soon someday.

The journey is arduous and long.
I believe i will soon make a song!

"not everything has to be solved. =)"

Growth.

2007-05-30T00:01:00.000+08:00

Happy 24th!

Did you remember?

Something about Truth.

2007-05-22T21:58:00.000+08:00

Truth hurts.

Lie to me.

Suvivor:Tioman.

2007-05-14T00:10:00.000+08:00

Just got back from my tioman escapade yesterday and i got to say it's good to be back alive. haha..
Think we were asking for it. Started the trip drunk and the sea didn't help at all when the ferry ride to the island was an hour long roller coaster ride. leroy puked while the rest stayed strong. lol. it was drizzling when we reached. well, it wasn't that bad since we have no activities on the 1st day. the budget chalet was, really a budget chalet. it has a heater for decoration and really springy bed. at least it has airconditioning. did a little exploring of the island when we had an encounter with this big monitor lizard. i swear i would have broken the world record for 100m if it had ran in my direction. hee. tried fishing at the jetty. emphasis is on the tried. haa.
the next day was snorkeling day! nice sun, nice view, lotsa fishes, beautiful reefs and bloody strong current where you are swimming on the spot against the current while you can beat the singapore swimming team when you swim with the current. lols. clarence suffer from a bit of food poisoning where he had the runs while the rest of us went to the jetty to practise for the next day's fishing expedition. all of us ended up catching coral fish while i managed to hook a crab. haa.
the 3rd day was fishing day! the night before had a thunderstorm, explaining for the choppy waters. jun and lawrence had a lil seasickness. can't blame them. the boat was really rocking. in the end, the score was leroy 10, jun 7, me 4, clarence 4, lawrence 3. had our catch as dinner and im not going to have fish for a while. hahaha..
before we got back to singapore, we went to jusco to have a look around. the service in kenny rogers was really bad and the food wasn't as nice as in s'pore. didn't had much time to shop.

all in all, it was a nice guys' trip. don't think many girls would have enjoyed the trip though.
a good breather. relaxing trip from the stresses and hectic lifestyle of singapore. =)

Bye year 3.

2007-05-03T23:47:00.000+08:00

I bid farewell to year 3 on monday. it wasn't a happy farewell but i hope it'll B good enough. this sem was supposed to be A sem but was kinda distracted throughout the past 6 months. will buck up come next sem. ma année finale. =)

tmr's the end of exams for ntu.
end of the road for some, beginning of a journey for others.
to the ones taking paper tmr. good luck.

“let not your mind fail you.let not your fear unsettle your calm.let not your efforts go to waste."
- a part of my verse before start of every paper. hope it helps.

up next,
rest.
be free.
enjoyment.
tioman.
parttiming.
prometheus.
reservist.

looking forward.

想。

2007-04-28T05:30:00.000+08:00

我应该放手了。
可是，我办不到。

Frustration.

2007-04-28T04:57:00.000+08:00

Weather's not helping by raining at the ungodly hours. drenching my clothes.
when things are not going your way, it's really out to fool you.
I was such a dumb arse. to mistake a 2hr paper as a 2.5 hr paper.
it's as good as commiting suicide. unforgiveable. unpardonable sin.
things i don't want to see, things i don't want to know.
they always come back to haunt you.

hate me.

Rythme in my head.

2007-04-24T11:05:00.000+08:00

Way Back Into Love from Music And Lyrics

I've been living with a shadow overhead
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I've been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past
I just can't seem to move on

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need them again someday
I've been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love

I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I've been searching but i just don't see the signs
I know that it's out there
There's got to be something for my soul somewhere

I've been looking for someone to shed some light
Not somebody just to get me through the night
I could use some direction
And I'm open to your suggestions

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end

There are moments when I don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart to you
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do
And if you help me to start again
You know that I'll be there for you in the end

Words fail me.

2007-04-19T04:14:00.000+08:00

Exams are near. 24 hours to the first paper. aim is clear. As and Bs.

Been a long time since i'm here.

So much i want to say.

So, here goes...

that's all i have to say. words fail me.

lucks to all having exams! esp those final year peeps! it's a jungle out there..

=)

Maze.

2007-03-07T02:07:00.000+08:00

Have been taking that walk often enough.

Often enough for me to find my way backwards.

This time, i can't seem to find the path out.

I tried in a different direction.

Still i end up walking. In circles.

Happy Chinese New Year!

2007-02-25T22:09:00.000+08:00

Okie.. It's a bit late.. but better late than never.
Have been unexpectedly busy with goodness knows what. the usual, hall stuff i guess.
mum's took the table that i used for studying to use for praying. that explains the free time that i have right now. went to make a new pair of specs! thanks to weirong, the price of my specs dropped from a crazy $470 to a more decent $360. without her around, i'll be a "cai tou". already using my angpao money. shucks. and my need to buy list just goes on and on. set my mind on this canterbury polo tee as well as a pair of street soccer shoes.. bleah..

recess week finally starts but i can't find any free slots for me to rest. great. wishing all the boars luck this year! oink.

The race begins.

2007-01-21T00:22:00.000+08:00

The semester finally starts.

Hall's beginning to feel stressful.

A spluttering start. for me.

Thoughts to ponder. decisions to make.

Signs I should have noticed.

Letting go.

I am no fool.

Faltering behind the rest but I shall determine my pace.

Eight months to my final curtain call. 12 weeks to end of year 3.

Another year comes to pass.

2006-12-31T23:09:00.000+08:00

Reflecting, 2006 has been an eventful year. fruitful in some. awful in some.
Had a good start to the year, bad middle and relatively jerky end to it.
Given a chance, I believed it could turn out for the better.

Had a long journey home yesterday, kinda missed it.
Appreciate how these rides give you time for reflections. a break. a better angle. a breather.
2006 had been smooth sailing til exams period. guess everything went downhill from then.
There were the ups but there were more of the downs.
Glad that there were always people around, supporting. thank you.
more so to weiting, yunjia and weirong. appreciate it.
i realised how much i miss one of my confidantes, a close friend. judy. been such a long time since we last chatted. hope to catch up with you soon. if i can regain contact with you , that is.

Happy 2007 all! i will be that much stronger. that's my resolution.

Merry Christmas.

2006-12-25T00:36:00.000+08:00

Merry Christmas and a happy new year to one and all!

Happy birthday to the fortunate few who's birthdays fall on these sacred days!

caroling nights have thus ended together with happy dinners.

gonna miss these nights.

happy nights. =)

Walking away.

2006-12-16T09:42:00.000+08:00

Reservist's finally over.
Met old friends. catching up.
learning. sharing. experiences.
time to take a walk again.
slowly but surely.

The End and the Beginning.

2006-12-10T16:57:00.000+08:00

Yesterday spelled the end of the my industrial attachment.
Tomorrow spells the start of my reservist.
Today's slowly seeping away in a monotonous manner.

I want my holidays. a movie. a time to read. a time to watch shows. a time to catch up.

Monday blues.

2006-11-27T16:33:00.000+08:00

It's monday again!
and yes, it's raining
and i decided against singing the blues.
it's still the exams period, so i'm being considerate. =)

Weekend sure flies..

saturday was spent in office rotting, looking at men installing an aircon unit and window panes. so gay right...

Spent my only free day of the week yesterday out shopping.. or rather, tried shopping..
went out with moyy to adidas sale, thinking of getting a bargain. well, let's just say that the sale should be called WOMEN'S adidas sale...
next, we headed to ikea tampines and yes, it opens on the 30th. stoopid newspaper.
then, we went to bugis where there's this ICON is. it's a place selling quite a bit of fashion stuff. it's quite a cool place, well, for me who just know about it after it had opened for almost a year..
anw, i think it was a bad day.. for me anw, didn't see anything to my liking and when there is, the shop is closed!
though the shopping was bad, but at least, it was still a fun trip.. at least it puts my mind off work.. in the end, i bought something! all's not that bad after all.. ahaha.. christmas came early for someone lo.. =)

shops... rejoice... for i will hunt you down on friday... muahahahahaha..

Crazy day.

2006-11-19T01:31:00.000+08:00

Today's an odd day.
Everything's so out of place, so surreal.

a hot pink xmas tree.

a lamborghini.

a content page that refuse to display its page numbers.

a popular song which didn't get any air time.

a blazing hot sun.

a sick neighbour.

an absentminded me.

a navigating well me.

*blank*

WTF

2006-11-05T01:25:00.000+08:00

I thought this bad memory will just be a bad memory, past,
never ever to be re-lived.
with the signing of the settlement form, the passing of dates,
everything was over and done with.
But you just have to come back and haunt me all over again.
argh!
these things always happen... just whenever things are looking bright,
the thunder clouds will be just round the corner.

for once, just once, can i have sunny days?

taking a walk...

Catch the bug.

2006-11-04T17:16:00.000+08:00

One day i was fine and jumpy and the next day, i'm cold and sniffy.

stoopid cold bug.

i know you are somewhere in my system. get out soon, or else somebody is gonna get hurt real bad... i'm not going to say who, but i think you know the bug very well...

i've sent in the heavy artillery of 'panadols'.. just in case... be afraid... be very afraid...

yeah.. i'm kinda bored.. friends needing to study while i'm having this report to complete but i just feel like shelving it for another day.. and another.. and another...

i want to go out! anyone??

Beautiful Life.

2006-11-02T23:29:00.000+08:00

Was lying in bed, enjoying the view of the clouds, the sky, thinking about this quote that i came across...

Three things governed my life:
The longings for love, the inquistiveness of my mind,
And the sheer unluckiness.

What i know of Love is that
it brings joy and takes away loneliness.
In the union of love I have seen
A creation of a fairytale ending
That authors and poets have imagined.

With equal passion I have sought knowledge.
I have wished to understand the hearts and minds.
I have wished to learn stage and mime.
I have wished to know why planes fly.

If Love and Knowledge is the finishing line,
Then lucklessness meant that i've a long race ahead.
I may have know you a little too late,
My studies may only give me that grade
Which isn't all that great.
I long for a change,
But i too have suffered

This has been my life; I found it worth living

adapted

Are you watching closely?

2006-10-21T11:50:00.000+08:00

"Every great magic trick consists of three acts. The first act is called "The Pledge"; The magician shows you something ordinary, but of course... it probably isn't. The second act is called "The Turn"; The magician makes his ordinary some thing do something extraordinary. Now if you're looking for the secret... you won't find it, that's why there's a third act called, "The Prestige"; this is the part with the twists and turns, where lives hang in the balance, and you see something shocking you've never seen before." Cutter, The Prestige.

Went to watch the show with meiyan. nice show, better than the departed i feel. apparently, the orignal version, infernal affairs, is much better. back to the prestige, it's pretty dark and gloomy show with plenty of twists and turns. but there're the subtle hints preparing you for the twists. in all, an interesting show, different from many of the shows i've watched. =)

saw alicia and minling after the show, moy saw a pair of slippers she liked while i was talking to them. hahaha.. to tink she was telling me of the nice apparels that i'll look good in when i'm broke.. well.. what goes around comes around! anw, we part ways with moy going to vivocity (heard it's HUGE) to her sec sch frens gathering while i went home to get car.

went to have dinner with rain in jp b4 going back hall. guess what! back in hall 7 carpark, there's this couple making out in their car (can't rem the make since it's obviously not the centre of attention, all i know is that it's red!) they're so into their thing that they didn't even bother to stop when we drive past! and rain was so intrigued with the scene that she refused to get out of the car even after i parked. when we told jib abt it, he happily ran to the carpark to get a sneak peep.. talk about my view of him as a pious malay.. haha..

next show to watch: HAPPY FEET! back to my report writing liaoz!

Would you?

2006-10-18T03:47:00.000+08:00

Would you have a lifetime of bad luck just to be lucky once?

Would you want to have answers rather than questions?

Would you give knowing that you may never get back?

I would.

Injury-prone me.

2006-10-05T00:11:00.000+08:00

Been a hectic and tiring few weeks. Here's some updates.
Industrial Attachment's as busy as ever. i've been drafting this drawing for the past week and i'm using almost every function in the drawing software! to make matters worse, i don't seem like finishing anytime soon! i've also been liaising with outside vendors frequently. So frequent that they thought that i am an engineer in the company. well, it became obvious when one vendor specifically wanted to talk to me instead of my engineer who had tasked me the assignment!

I've decided to run for Producer in my hall production next year. the HAS system is going to be a real headache but i think we will be able to pull through. well, i've a good co-producer and director in my team, so it's going to be a fun and challenging year ahead! First stop: Main Comm Recruitment!

Recently, i just strained my thigh muscle and i thought it's a minor strain and decided to go training today to run it off. big mistake. now, the pain's back and i'm walking with a limp. well, at least there's some light beyond the gloom. guess what. i asked this person who's nice and sweet to get me some ice (for my thigh) on the way back. Imagine my amusement when she presented a packet of plain rice to me. well, it's just to show that when you are down and out, there'll be someone popping by, cheering you up. in this case, it might be a lil flawed but the theory still works. hahaha... no offense to the person though.. look.. no name stated! in any way, it was still a kind gesture. =)

Yep. that's all for updates. Time to hit the sack! night.

"All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players.
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages."

--From As You Like It (II, vii, 139-143)

Life's a stage.

2006-09-13T23:00:00.000+08:00

And all the people are merely cast acting in it.
To be or not to be. That's the question.
If i am to be, then i'll give it all,
i'm prepared to go though this transition, this phrase, this obstacle
One man is but one man.
I will need pillars and support.
Without them, i'll be nothing, crippled.
Then i am not to be.
What will it be?
2 weeks. 14 days. 336 hours. 20,160 minutes. 1,209,600 seconds.

One more day.

2006-09-02T02:06:00.000+08:00

It's been a long ride for prometheus, my hall production. a bumpy ride. but come tomorrow, everything will end. i'll heave a sigh of relief, forget about everything's that's been making me miserable and move on. i hope. no more.

2006-09-01T09:37:00.000+08:00

"You don't like yourself but you do admire yourself.
It's all you got so that you cling to it.
You're so afraid that you change, you'll lose what makes you special.
Being miserable doesn't make you better than anybody else.
It just make you miserable."

Dr. James Wilson - House M.D.

Bitch.

2006-08-29T01:29:00.000+08:00

How can one be free when he is busy occupied in front of the computer?
Does one need to do manual labour so as to look busy?
People are BUSY cutting papers 'cause they got nothing else to do.
you are not the only one giving projects.
So many incompleted projects, yet you still say i'm free?
Think about it. oops, sorry, i forgot that you can't think.
You can only keep asking people to think,
giving the reason that you are in this system for too long.
I can't help but agree with the last point. old bitch.

2006-08-17T22:42:00.000+08:00

Mother found out my stay in hospital.
Got a talking to.
Don't want her to worry in the first place.
Hope she understands.
Just feel like lying on my bed,
staring into space,
listening.

"If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?"

Headache.

2006-08-11T22:33:00.000+08:00

Had the weirdest two days of my life. everything's so dreamlike. i can only remember i was playing soccer and the next thing i know, i was being carried by the guys. it's like those birthday celebration where you are going to be poled to a tree. Everything was in a daze. i was wondering why were the guys so anxious, why the ambulance had came, why was my head bleeding a little, why i was having such a headache. anyway, i was getting pissed that i'm going to miss out on so many stuff i had planned.. helping with block supper, block supper, splashing of freshies, weiting's birthday dinner, ikea trip, movie.. argh! how i hope i can just wake up now.
had a MRI scan on my head today which the doctor declared normal. Thanks for the visit, jiahao aka my financial planner. Don't know what to do without you man.. had mixed feelings when yunjia, weiting and weirong come a visiting. hee.. i know it's supposed to be your celebration.. i'm so sorry! well, at least i had my room warming with you gals.. not that bad right.. =P we'll go have dinner and find your present soon! i told my parents part of it only wor.. hahaha.. and they are already fussing over it.. can't tell them everything la..
Last but not least, thanks to all who have shown concern one way or another, really appreciated it and sorry to all those i promised to help, really felt bad about it, creating unnescessary stuff. bleah.

this can't be happening. let this be a dream. wake up.

Blur.

2006-08-07T22:15:00.000+08:00

5th week of IA begins and the past 4 weeks have been such a whirling blur. IA's as busy as ever, if not, busier. no shit. just did my 1st OT today! wth!
FOC just ended and i didn't get to enjoy it as usual.. sigh.. programmer's job is not that fantastic and together with IA, it wasn't a memorable camp at all.. bleah.. well.. for me anyway.. for the rest, i guess it's one of the more succesful ones considering the manpower and financial problems. for many, it's definitely an experience, full of ups and downs. something to bring with them for years to come. =)

I'm starting to miss school.. everything seems so not fun anymore.. i wonder..

deja vu. bon nuit.

Bad day.

2006-07-15T02:38:00.000+08:00

my week started with the beginning of my IA in Turbine Overhauls Services. got to make new friends from ntu and learnt more about the company and the tool engineering department. the first project came within days in the department, archiving, to be done by friday. the next project was to do a gap analysis between TOS and pratt & whitney, our sister company. time literally flies in the company. got to learn about autoCAD too... no joke man.. it's a killer.

Took leave on friday to take my m5 and m9. it's the start of one of the worst days in my life. first, i mistook the 1st paper to start at 11 when it starts at 9! rushed there at around 10 but was barred from taking the paper as i was over the grace time period. i studied so hard for it and was really pissed. mostly, with myself. guess it affected me a little as i took m9 later in the afternoon. wasn't as prepared as m5 but was confident of passing, especially when i managed to clarify a bit more on the module with james before the exam. it seems to be meant to be when i failed by a few marks.. got in the range of 81 - 87 when the passing mark was 88. damn. after that, narrowly missed my train, almost missed the bus back hall and then, like all bad days, the bus kept running into red lights. almost had to skip dinner when someone forgot about me. can't really blame the person.. i'm just having a really bad day. last but not least, my programmer meeting had just ended and i have to wake up at 8 tomorrow. just when i wanna have a much needed long sleep. oh well.. tomorrow will be a better day~

Last week of holidays

2006-07-02T22:45:00.000+08:00

Left with my last week of holidays before the start of my IA. been so busy with everything. haven't had the chance to stay home at all since end of EID. i got an A- for EID! not too bad considering ther efforts we put in.
recently joined ryan in venture era as well as signing up as a financial planner in great eastern. Was thinking that since i've got a few policies, next time i can get my own policies as well as helping parents and relatives to review theirs. of course, i wouldn't mind if it brings in a bit of extra allowance. =)
finishing my last stay in pfizer this coming week. man, i can surely do with a little more money right now. been doing flyers job with junfeng too.. and there's a kind, lovely princess helping us free of charge! heh.. sourcing for tuition jobs right now too.. trying to save up to go to next year's US work and travel. fight!

a little tired from this few day's activities.. getting a rest.. night.

Current favourite song.

2006-06-25T02:58:00.000+08:00

Find Yourself

When you find yourself
In some far off place
And it causes you to rethink some things
You start to sense that slowly
You're becoming someone else
And then you find yourself
When you make new friends in a brand new town
And you start to think about settlin' down
The things the would have been lost on you
Are now clear as a bell
And you find yourself
Yeah that's when you find yourself
Where you go through life
So sure of where you’re headin'
And you wind up lost and it's
The best thing that could have happened
‘Cause sometimes when you lose your way it's just as well
Because you find yourself
Yeah that’s when you find yourself
When you meet the one
That you've been waitin' for
And she's everything that you want and more
You look at her and you finally start to live for some one else
And then you find yourself
That’s when you find yourself
When we go through life
So sure of where we're headin'
And we wind up lost and it's
The best thing that could have happened
‘Cause sometimes when you lose your way it's just as well
Because you find yourself
Yeah that's when you find yourself

People's quotes.

2006-06-25T02:43:00.000+08:00

Someone told me,
"Success is about doing things that you don't like."
"The best picture is taken with our eyes."
"Do it once, do it good."
"Be yourself."

One common language.

2006-06-11T00:59:00.000+08:00

Strangers of different races, languages and nationalities.
One ball, one game, one common language.
Sweat, tears and blood.
For the love of the game.
Winners and no losers.
Football.
ole.

let the World Cup begin!
where legends are born.

Stomachache.

2006-06-08T23:09:00.000+08:00

life of a forager.
look for anything edible,
found 3 packets of instant noodles
and a can of hotdogs.
cook them all,
only to find hotdogs taste funny.
that one piece of hotdog
gave my stomach a run for its money. =S

heh.. amazing how i still wanna blog and even wanna make it into peotry in my current state. oh well, on a happier note, i got my IA company today though not my desired field but it's still an aerospace-related company! Turbine Overhaul Services. okie.. stomach's acting up again... next time!

1st weekend of my 23rd year.

2006-06-04T20:39:00.000+08:00

3 june 2006
decided to do a clean up of my room, not the one in hall. after 5 bags of thrash and million times of wiping, cleaning and mopping i hereby declare my room tidy again! (it's a bit exaggerated, my room isn't as untidy and unclean as it sounds. just trying to make it sound like i've done lotsa work =P )
was in lazy mood the entire day after that. potato couching the whole day away. then decided to open up my safe to relive some past memories and hobbies.
like chocolates, bitter sweet.
my safe, my time capsule,
locked up and to be relived someday.
my collection of past singapore notes, arcade tokens, coins
and even cards.
christmas, new years, birthdays
and a thank-you card =)

My prezzies!

Wonderful people that i went out with during my birthday week!

It came and passed too soon.

2006-06-01T11:31:00.000+08:00

So it's my birthday, 30th May 2006. went out with judy to watch 'Over The Hedge'. the storyline was kinda predictable but the entertainment value was high! it's hilarious to say the least and as ju said, watch out for the cork! hahaha..=D

After the movie, we went down to boat quay to this Hot Stones Restaurant. It took a while since it was our 1st time to that restaurant and ju didn't help much when she got the unit number of the restaurant wrong.. hehe =P we're seated beside the river and the atmosphere was so good! we ordered kiwi freeze for drinks, *** portabella mushrooms as appetiser(i forgot the full name as well..), salmon fillet and tenderloin steak as our maincourse. the mushrooms weren't that appetitising when it was served but when we 1st sank our teeth into it, we were overwhelmed! it was so good! heavenly~ the food was nice but the company just made it so so so much better! hahaha.. had a great time catching up while eating! this was the 1st time we took pictures together after 9 years of knowing each other! lol.. and so i became ju's new found cam gigolo.. haha.. what a title.. i am just learning to be photogenic wort.. =P

Beautiful view of CBD. courteousy by photograher ju( only good night mode photo to be taken.)

and so after dinner, we 'cam-whored'(new term tt i learnt) and was making full use of the service tax by asking the waitress to take photos for us! hahaha.. well, i've to thank rain for lending me her camera =)

when we finally left the restaurant, we went for a much needed walk. After much attempts on taking photos using night mode, we finally gave up and ended up just using the camera's artificia intelligence instead. we walked to the padang thinking of taking some more pics there but it was too dark even for the flash to see anything. We finally made our way back. definitely one of happiest birthdays ever. =) thanks for the chocs too! lovely! looking forward to our proposed shopping spree!

I went to find ryan the backstabber =P(you'll know why soon). was going back hall for a secret celebration for me. wonder how i know when it's a secret in the 1st place. he gave me 2 tees of my choice as present and then made our way back hall.. walking back to my room, saw someone hiding behind the wall upstairs, knew something was up and yup, i ended up wet, half naked, tied up at a tree with listrine, egg, cream and even wax on me! trust the guys to be so kinky... i'm not going to elaborate much on the tekaning session but thx to ryan goh! the guys found out abt my birthday...but it's all fun and i'm okie with it. at least i can boast of french version of happy birthday being sung on my birthday lo.. hahaha..
this is the only photo i'm showing on the tekaning session.

Went out with weiting, yunjia and weirong on the 31st! sorry gals.. i tot that i jus saw you gals on sun, that's why i push it to the 31st .. hope you all don't mind =) thanks for the presents! will upload the photos of the prezzies and the rest when i get the photos from yunjia! hehe.. well.. i was approached by someone from a modeling agency when we were at cityhall mrt station. told ya i got some degree of handsome-ness.. hahaha... =P NOT! was so amused when approached la~ went to fish and co for a birthday lunch! the pasta and shrimp salad appetitiser was really good! shared seafood platter for 2 and a prawn pasta.. was so full! it didn't help when the passion fruit freeze that i ordered was so huge! like all birthdays, we took photos! *grin* after that satisfying lunch, went walking around before heading to Baker's inn for a drink and cake for my birthday.. man.. i've having lotsa rich food this week! set reminder - diet and exercise whole of next week. argh! my new ippt window just open! *faint* had a great time with the gals but we didn't take our group photo at baker's inn! =S

it's been a happy week! thanks everyone who knew about my birthday! really and truely appreciated what y'all had done! wasn't expecting so many to know! =)

definitely one of my happiest birthdays.

Blup blup

2006-05-28T02:08:00.000+08:00

Organised an outing with the yr 2 guys to JB. intended to go gokarting but the weather spoilt it for us. woe to the guys, joy to the gals coz we went to the huge JUSCO to walk around. the gals consisting of rain, grace and sandy went about their precise yet devastating assault on the boutiques while the guys consisting of me, fahmi, clarence, amos and karkiat walked around. had dunkin' donuts and got some stuff before we went to todak for a seafood dinner! met lingying and seng there.. what a coincidence! had kim ba lor, oat prawns, lemon chicken, butter crayfish, kailan, shellfish and chili crabs. the crabs were a tat disappointing and shellfish undercooked but other then that, it was good. then we made our way to holiday plaza to whack the dvds and games. was in such a tight schedule that we only had an hour b4 the place closes. there, i was completely dumbfounded but that's another story that cant be told. hee.
had a truely wonderful time, was organising it as my secret celebration. *wink* haha.. thanks guys for a good time and celebration though you guys may not have known the celebration part. was for myself only... hahaha.. on the other hand, couldn't get the special someone to go watch movie with me.. was part of my secret celebration tour plan. oh well, guess that's the signal for me to give it up.. heh.. hope you'll find back that special someone you've been waiting all this time for or at least that someone better than me...

countdown begins... 2 days left..

Beeps and barcodes.

2006-05-25T11:31:00.000+08:00

just woke up from my short and eventful slumber. did two consecutive nights of stocktake in changi airport. lousy pay with a heavy workload. only 5 bucks per hour, what was i thinking when i agreed to this!? but it's quite an experience though.. heh.

fortune cookie, fortune cookie, you lied.

Live the moment.

2006-05-14T01:08:00.000+08:00

Back. gotten over with everything. everything that had happened last week. Anyway, my EID started and we finally decided on making a laptop bag since all other suggestions had been rejected. 1st week of EID is fun! Don't know about the rest of my groupmates but the elective i chose, 'creative thinking', is so interesting and fun! got a mini project which was to protect an egg from breaking after being thrown from 3 storeys. it's so secondary school but well, i had fun and my group's prototype was praised and kept by the prof. *beams* sigh.. but the serious stuff are coming up next week. sianz.
during EID, we've been playing court soccer almost everyday and we found a new entertainment spot! movie-ing in hall 7! basically, we just set up the projector and screen in the jam band room and viola, a mini theatre! need to get new court soccer shoes.. mine's got a hole in the sole le.. bleah~ having out of money experience..
finally, went to jb on fri, vesak day. a word of advice, never and i mean never go on a holiday day. went with the sec sch ppl, ter, sg, lansi, zhiyi, seng, ly. spent 2 freaking hours queueing in the malaysia's custom, literally. during queueing, experienced some weirdo trying to take photos of lansi and zhiyi on the sly and he did such a bad job at it that the whole group of us knew about it. haha. to make matter worse, someone couldn't make it to the toilet and left some human waste on the floor! i guess it's some kid, hopefully. hee. singaporeans seem to have different personalities. they can queue up properly in the singapore's customs but once reached malaysia's customs, they cut queues like a hot knife through butter. =D anyway, back to main objective, we made our way to permas jaya to play the go-kart. it was fun except for the weather to come and spoil everything. everyone started to play drifting when the drizzle came. lansi and terence got caught in the heavy downpour and boy, were they drenched. made our way to jusco, a shopping centre that looks big but did not have much to offer inside. bought myself a new tee cos mine got dirty. that reminds me, don't wear white when go-karting! lansi got herself a new set of clothes while terence got a tee. had cheesecakes from secret recipe before going to KFC to taste how different it was compared to singapore's. made our way to totak, a seafood restaurant facing sembawang. had black pepper crabs, drunken prawns, oat prawns, steamed pomfret, shellfishs, chilli crayfish, otah.. the bill was rm215 which made out about rm30 each. about 15 sing! how cheap is that! going to jio the hall guys there next week! can't wait! vroom vroom!

i'm living it! one life, live it! be glad.

It's not just that but it's everything else.

2006-05-04T22:59:00.001+08:00

today is a truely lousy day. i was driving out for lunch when i got into an accident with this cyclist. my bonnet and roof got dented while my windscreen got smashed. amazingly, the cyclist's fine cept for a few cuts on his back. not going to argue who's fault. what i am really trying to get through here is that it just sums up what an unlucky man i am. never won anything in lucky draws, never lucky in slotting questions for exams, never lucky in relationships, always getting some freak accidents and now, this. i am really at a loss. just when everything's starting to look rosy, i got a battering. what did i do??
i tried my hardest to comply with parent's wishes by studying hard to get into jc, did i not? knowing that will make my parents happy despite the turbulent times then.
i tried to listen to people's problems and tried my hardest to find solutions. i tried to be what my crushes likes in a guy, i tried and i tried, to become someone that i am not. now, i really don't know who i am anymore. when exams ended, i am ready to be back to myself when this had to happen. a sign? probably.
why do things have to happen at the wrong times. father's not having a happy time in work and because of the car, he had to continue working for a while. everyone in the family is contributing to the car's expense while here i am, free riding. when the accident happened, the person who i think is in the wrong is really just me. who else to blame for the extra expenses, the repairs, the compensations?
father just called me. he did not scold me which made me feel worse than i already am. so, for the first time, in a long time, i cried while he was on the phone telling me everything's fine. knowing him as the sort of person who cares so much for new things, i do really wished that he had scolded me instead. sorry.

if everything can be so simple.

I am but a man against an army of thoughts.

2006-04-27T23:09:00.000+08:00

Finished my 6th paper of the semester, thermodynamics. feeling pissed that my expectations for this semester is probably out of reach, probably be seeing Cs or even Ds this sem. fark. feeling disgusted why this sem's papers had been so damn hard. well, maybe it's just me. damn. had high hopes for this paper especially since i had a long time to study for it.
now that it's over, i can only tell myself that i had done what i could, that i've tried my best. apparently, best wasn't good enough. think my confidence had suffered a blow. long before exams anyway. gonna try to find a way to salvage it one way or another. i have really not been myself lately. unmotivated, lost and not knowing what i want anymore. salvation needed with a teaspoon of love and a pinch of joy. =)

on the brighter side of things, 1st of may is coming! can't wait for the angpao that the government is giving us! already had things in mind that i wanna buy:

1) sunglasses - $250
2) t-shirt frm ryan's store - $34
3) stuff to spruce up my single room - $116
4) saving up the rest!

Too much studies = Too much stress = funny Thoughts

2006-04-20T00:03:00.000+08:00

What's one's true worth?
it's only realised when you are gone
What's the point of living
when you are truely appreciated when you are no longer around
What do you live for?
recognition? money? just the feeling of being alive?
To say live for happiness is a joke.
How many times in your life are you happy?
truely happy?
Have you ever wondered?
we are chasing after so many things in our life
that we do not know what's our real motive in life.

Exams.

2006-04-13T01:59:00.000+08:00

Finished my first paper, Chinese Cinema yesterday, having my first core paper in about 7 hours' time. though it's just the start of the exams, i already feel tired of examinations. argh. One of the questions in my PE paper was on Plato's cave. the cave symbolising one's subconciousness, one's alternative. well, this is my cave, a place where i can crawl back and hide from the rain, to regain my strength to carry on. heh.

news flash.

2006-03-27T01:31:00.000+08:00

My new roomie came in last thursday, il s'appelle Semou. he's an exchange student from France. my chance to brush up my french. whee! had a drinking session with the guys last friday, enjoyed myself thoroughly. i'm not a drinking person but it feels good to be able not to give a damn about anything for a while. for the first time in weeks, i'm able to sleep like a log til a stoopid sms spoils everything.. bleah.. celebrated sze gay's birthday on saturday at seletar dam, had a small bbq and catch up a bit with the sec sch ppl... that's my weekend. oh, before that, went to ryan's new shop to show support. the place's well designed and cool. hope his shop will take off smoothly. time to log off. nite.

If I let you go.

2006-03-27T01:23:00.000+08:00

Day after day time pass away
And i just cant get you off my mind
Nobody knows i hide it inside
I keep on searching but i can't find

The courage to show, to letting u know
I've never felt so much in love before
And once again i'm thinking about
Taking the easy way

But if i let u go i will never know
What my life would be holding you close to me
Will i ever see you smiling back at me?
How will i know if i let you go?

Night after night i hear my self say
Why cant this fewling just fade away?
These no one like you
You speak to my heart
Its such a shame we're worlds apart

I'm to shy to ask, i'm to proud to lose
But sooner or later i've got to choose
And once again im thinking about
Taking the easy way out

Once again im thinking about
Taking the easy way out

But if i let u go, i will never know
What my life would be holding you close to me
Will i ever see you smiling back at me?
How will i know if i let you go?

But if i let you go i will never know
Will i ever see you smiling back at me?
How will i know if i let you go?

Smile.

2006-03-24T01:47:00.000+08:00

Smile - an way to cover any other emotions that you are feeling. a sad story to be told. a mask. an irony.

Updates.

2006-03-21T01:22:00.000+08:00

Nothing much to update actually. only that my parents bought a new car. a hyundai verna. well, it's not really a great car but it's still a car anyway. my parking's getting better that's all i can say =)

this sem, i feel that i am lagging terribly. need to pull up my socks. but my mind's been feeling so saturated. it's like refusing to adsorb any information at all. tsk. hate it. getting worried. don't want to let myself down.

Want to go to a beach and enjoy the view, breeze and sound of waves. or to find a big green field and lie in the middle of it and look at the clouds above! relaxation expectation!

Untitled.

2006-03-11T04:48:00.000+08:00

Latest updates: got a single room next sem but i'm getting so tired of staying in hall, yet so hard to say goodbye. got my second gold of the year. softball. didn't get the sliver for soccer. a lil disappointed considering the efforts put in but considering that i didn't even get to be in the reserves, won't feel proud even if i get the medal. the rest of the news not that important, just that i didn't do as well in the quizzes as i hoped. projects deadlines are drawing near but my panic button seems faulty.

having a cheerleading performance at bishan park in 2 hrs time... no point sleeping. just found out gemini showed various obvious traits which are that 'they joke a lot and that they are very deep beneath the smile of theirs.' heh.. well.. it's not because that Geminies are born jokers, there's many reasons for them to joke. many. and for the second trait, i believe everyone has something beneath their smiles and laughter. i mean what's the point of letting other people worry for you by telling them about it? since it's my problem, i should be the only one who needs to worry right? there only need one unhappy soul in this world to keep the rest happy and not the other way round. so, smile and the whole world smiles with you.

had this wonderful dream before i woke up. wanted to carry on sleeping. wells, sweet dreams only last til you wake up. ironically, instead of feeling happy, i was feeling so sad, so down after waking up. as you know, dreams never come true. for me that is. how i wish that i can switch dreams to reality. i'm so tired but i don't wannna sleep. i want to dream no more for it brings more pain than bliss. fallen.

She.

2006-02-28T01:07:00.000+08:00

Here i am.
alone.
stuck at a question.
msn being problematic again.
my only communication source. gone.
helpless.
fearful.
mind's wandering.
lack concentration.
let me free.

Sitting, Waiting, Wishing.

2006-02-22T13:05:00.000+08:00

Well I was sitting, waiting, wishing
You believed in superstitions
Then maybe you'd see the signs

The Lord knows that this world is cruel
I ain't the Lord, no I'm just a fool
Learning lovin' somebody don't make them love you

Must I always be waiting, waiting on you
Must I always be playing, playing your fool

I sang your songs, I danced your dance
I gave your friends all a chance
But putting up with them
Wasn't worth never having you

Maybe you've been through this before
But it's my first time so please ignore
The next few lines cause they're directed at you

I can't always be waiting, waiting on you
I can't always be playing, playing your fool

I keep playing your part
But it's not my scene
Want this plot to twist
I've had enough mystery
Keep building it up
Then shooting me down
But I'm already down

Just wait a minute
Just sitting, waiting
Just wait a minute
Just sitting, waiting

Well, if I was in your position
I'd put down all my ammunition
I'd wonder why'd it taken me so long

But Lord knows that I'm not you
And if I was, I wouldn't be so cruel
Cause waitin' on love aint so easy to do

Must I always be waiting, waiting on you
Must I always be playing, playing your fool

No, I can't I always be waiting, waiting on you
I can't always be playing, playing your fool

Harder for me than you.

2006-02-21T16:22:00.000+08:00

the se7en mile cycling went off w/o much a hitch 'cept for a casualty or two but it sure made one thing damn obvious. didn't get to mingle much with the guys.. sigh.. why am i the medic anyway...
It's tiring to act natural. the extra effort put in despite feeling awkward. but the effort is not being reciprocated and that makes me feel so stupid. i suddenly felt like the most repulsing person in the world. well, action speaks louder than words and i suppose that is your stand. Everything just went wrong since that day and i thought the day was to express one's self. things might have been different if i wasn't that impulsive. bad move perhaps. guess i was grossly misinterpreted. wasn't asking for anything. i mean it's not wrong to like someone and by liking someone, there's no need to start a relationship right away right? over the years, i've learnt to take things a step at a time and if you never try, you'll never know what will happen next. if anything, girls...(i mean girls as a whole) never EVER leave a guy hanging. we, guys, always appreciate if you girls will tell us your next step. it's already so hard for us to pluck up the courage to express ourselves, don't make it any harder for us. we can always fall back as friends and not awkward strangers if things don't work out. guess this will be the last entry on this episode. you can't clap using one hand right? at least for the 1st time i'm able to tell why i like someone. thx for being that someone. =)

Aftermath.

2006-02-16T02:01:00.001+08:00

Guess i wasn't really prepared for what's coming after everything. Had painted such a wonderful fairytale ending that i exactly forgot about reality, the harsh reality. Once bitten, twice shy. why haven't i learnt this age-old saying... well.. it's jus me, i guess. always thinking of the present but never of what comes after. not that it's worse this time round but i'm really starting to get tired of this cycle. maybe i should have taken it a tat slower.. at least things will not be so awkward so soon. even though it's been only 2 days after the surprise, i've started to miss her usual friendliness, the casual banter. wonder if i can ever reach her expectations.. should have realise where i stand.. sigh.. my low esteem is kicking in again. well, if i don't try, i'll never know whether i'll succeed. i don't want to regret like my 1st time. seldom have i come across someone with so much in common as i.. i'm not going to give up til i am told an affirmative no. think for now, i'll take it slow and start all over again! all the best to me! whoosh! =D

2006-02-14T23:10:00.000+08:00

One of our stunts! i'm being stepped on... can't see me from here.

2006-02-14T23:09:00.000+08:00

Me and lil angel!

2006-02-14T23:06:00.001+08:00

The start of our routine

2006-02-14T23:06:00.000+08:00

Me, my gold and our trophy

My sanctuary.

2006-02-14T23:02:00.000+08:00

Sorry for taking so long to blog... been busy busy busy.. with work, hall activities, school, everything. started operation strawberry at midnight yesterday. thanks to leroy and vanessa, the operation was a success but the outcome was kinda veered off course. guess she was more of shocked than surprised. maybe i should have hinted more before yesterday but well, it's kinda too late for that. did i scare her away?? i really don't know. sigh... let's see what happens in the days to come then..
whether the fortune's cookie's prediction will come true, whether i'll still be in hall, whether i'll be brave enough.. we shall see in the days to come.

Two golds and a sliver.

2006-01-22T20:58:00.000+08:00

So so so long since i last blogged! i have my reasons all right, since starting of school, i have cheerleading practices almost every night! not that the sucky timetable is helping. i have 6 and 7 continuous hours of lessons on mondays and tuesdays respectively and the total lesson hours from mondays to wednesdays is a freaking 22 hours!!! been having 4-5 hours of sleep daily. soooo tired. well, at least we won the cheerleading gold! and yesterday, softball gold was added to this year's tally of medals. a sliver for soccer, gold for cheerleading and gold for softball! of which, i felt i made the contributions for cheerleading whereas for the other two sports, i was literally a non-starter. =( will post up pics of cheerleading soon! hee

On another note, i literally forfeited one thousand bucks to cheerleading! my parents' ladyboss came from hongkong for a short stayover while i was confined in school due to cheerleading. my sis, together with two other cousins, went to pay her a visit before she return to hongkong. being a nice lady, she gave each of them an angpao... well, guess how much was in each of them?? haiz.. not that i am greedy for the money but i was hoping to see this lady to thank her for giving my parents stable jobs and i am serious! before getting these jobs, my family wasn't in a very good state financially. been hearing all the nice things about her but yet to see her personally. well, there's always a next time! and for the 1k, someone told me yesterday "but the cheerleading gold is priceless" which i couldn't help but agree with her.. the time together, the bondings, the tears, the pains, and the fun and joy! memorable.. next year, you join, i join =D

today, finally had my minimim 8 hours of sleep! went to marina square to collect my jeans and did a bit of CNY shopping ALONE! *sniff* didn't see any clothes in particular but will be going to queensway to check the place out next week. so hoping for the best, else will be wearing old clothes le..
clothes to get:
1x berms
1-2x tees

things to get when i get my money: (budget ~$1000)
1)ipod nano ~ $350
2)a pair of berks ~ $100
3)a pair of havanas ~ $30
4)200gb portable hard disk ~ $250
5)bag ~ $70
6)levis jeans ~ $120(already gotten because got discount =D )

More than that.

2005-12-30T21:10:00.000+08:00

Today's isn't my hall's day, lost all IHG competition today. table tennis, hockey, darts and rugby. i was so disappointed with myself. damn. true that this is my 1st foray into rugby but i was not impressed with what i had shown. freaking lost when i got sub in and i played a huge part helping the opposing hall to level the game. lucky our hall won it in extra time. during our crucial match in the loser's pool, din have a chance to make amends and had to watch my hall losing in the last minute. DAMN. seeing everyone dragging their bruised and aching selves on the way back, i had nothing to show for other than a bite from the only tackle i made in my brief appearance. felt that i could have given more. sigh.. now, have to wait til next year to prove myself. to prove myself i will.

School's starting soon..

2005-12-25T23:04:00.000+08:00

Oh my gosh, time flies and i haven really enjoyed my hols at all.. =( had so much activities everyday.. bleah.. retribution for joining so many hall activities i guess.. well.. finally got some time for my blog.. heh..
where do i start.. hmmm.. okie.. i got my results, 2 A-, 1 B+, 3 B and 2 C+. i finally got my 1st As in uni! but i m still sore over the 2 Cs.. expecting only one.. but have to be contented for what i got i guess.. heh..
my timetable next sem is horrid! breaks galore! think i'll be a hardworking student next sem... with most of my breaks being spent in libraries.. and yesh.. i'll be alone in most of the lessons!! sobs*
celebrated yunjia's birthday yest, hope u liked the present! must give all the recognition to weiting!! it's she who did the shopping.. so ashamed of myself though for not contributing much.. goumei!! jon and weirong were there too.. had a great dimsum brunch.. thx for the treat, bdae gal! hee.. well, lotsa 'ifs' came flooding back.. heh..let's not talk about it. my grandma had a operation tt day so i couldn't be with u guys all the way.. hope u all understand.. and yep, she's getting better.. =)
for now though, i am craving to go shopping and to watch 'chronicles of narnia'.. ju ar.. ni zi dao wo zai deng ni ma~ hahaha.. when r we goin out?!

All i wanted.

2005-12-11T00:49:00.000+08:00

i remembered when i was young, both of you quarrelled all so often because of financial problems. that's when i stopped believing in god. no matter how much i prayed, the quarrels continued ever so frequently. finally when both of you got stable and relatively easy jobs, i thought to myself, "great, it's over."
guess i never was a lucky guy. guess i should have seen it coming. how foolish i am, trying to think otherwise. back they came, for another reason, another problem. since it started all over again, i kept running from this reality trying so fruitlessly to find another reality, my fairytale ending.

all the while, i tried so hard to be what you wanted of me. to get good grades, to get into JC, to get into uni. yet, you've not given what i always wanted. free from mistrust, free from quarrels. when will this day ever gonna be.

Tired.

2005-12-03T23:19:00.000+08:00

Just when i have mentally drained myself, now i am draining myself physically... well, considering that i've joined rugby, soccer, softball, hockey and unbelievably, cheerleading, i guess it's little or no wonder that my body's aching all over now...

With commitments in my part-time jobs, trainings and in NPCC, i was glad that i still managed to find time to go out with my friends. Hee... went for dinner with weiting and yunjia, glad to do a bit of catch up, even though time was short.. at least i saw the 1st item in my 'to buy' list! a pair of levis jeans.. muahahahaha.. Guess what.. someone graduated unoffically yesterday lor.. sigh.. i still have two and a half years left!!! sianzzz.. well, congrats ju! haha.. the working world awaits.. *evil laughter* hope u get ur stand chart post graduate thingy! enjoyed our lil date *wink* hahaha... let's try eating lesser next time yar.. dunno why we tend to eat til so full everytime we go out... hahaha... chicken little is nice but the animators drew the pig damn ugly la.. overall not a bad show.. hee..

okie.. it's time to get my very very much needed sleep... been mahjonging almost every night after the exams, having less than 5 hours of sleep daily... yawnz.. nitez ppl...

Over!

2005-11-26T23:32:00.000+08:00

At last! After a month of endless studying, the breath of freedom can't be more satisfying! just hoping to clear all the modules though i think i did badly in a few of them... sianz.. anyway, it's OVER!!! time to enjoy!!!

Random mumblings.

2005-09-29T00:19:00.000+08:00

a sms - free.

a phone call - $0.20.

present - a lot of effort physically, mentally & financially.

friendship - priceless.

Past week.

2005-09-25T22:38:00.000+08:00

Past week has been quite eventful. Went to watch "Quidam". Was anything but boring.. a great and spectacular show. though the show's quite ex but it's worth every penny esp since i was subsidised half the amount! muahahaha..

Guess that's the only good thing happening for me.. now for bad things.. didn't managed to play any street soccer.. sianz.. wanted to show off my new shoes.. hope will be able to do so next week. During saturday's friendly match against NUS IVP, i realised i didn't improve at all. need to work much harder to break into the team. then, found my puzzle frame had dropped. the frame was too heavy for the hooks. damn, the fall caused one edge of the frame to have scratches. lastly, i was maligned, maybe not in the person's view but in my view, yes. wtf, the person didn't even bother to listen to explainations. All these because i joined the other DND committee and not clarence's one. EXCUSE ME... it's not that i don't want to join but in that post, he already had people in it and he wanted to pull out the hall king to put me in which i feel is not right. reason being that he had not been asked whether he was interested whereas the other pageant ppl had been asked. yes.. i admit it's due to my hesitancy that clarence chose other ppl for the post but it's not that i don't want to help in his committee.. i believe when one want to take up the post, one has to be certain that one is capable and able to do one's best in it as well as have people one feel able to work with. But whatever.. i don't really need to explain myself to you anyway. nothing pisses me off more than a FRIEND wrongfully accusing me of something without checking the facts. Obviously, you don't know me well enough.

Sigh. yep. it was a good start but ended rather badly. Not going to think about it anymore. Looking forward to a better week ahead.

Beautiful Dawn.

2005-09-18T21:10:00.000+08:00

Ironic title. Hee.. but well, that's what i'm feeling right now. Had a great day yesterday, met up with judy at queensway. Bought my new street soccer shoes, 'NIKE FIRST TOUCH'. Guys.. be afraid, be very afraid... =P Got myself a tee too.. Yes.. i was on a shopping spree! sorry ju.. we could not get to eat the swedish meatballs.. we'll eat it next time kaes? hee.. Next, we went town and had a satisfying nydc meal. Happy dio ho! haha.. went to look for a pair of flip-flops while judy was looking for a jacket though both of us couldn't get our desired items.. a bit sucky but well... we can always shop again!

judy managed to sneak me into the new smu compound and man.. i was in total awe.. it was new *duh* and cool.. well, too bad i am not a business person else i'll love it there. we watched 'the longest yard'.. funniest show i've watched so far.. TWO thumbs up!

Well, when shit happens, good things will come along making life colourful again.. Been so long since i had such a great and enjoyable day.. thx ju.. for everything! go out shopping again soon alriteS?? Lemme know the results of your singing competition yo? hee.. kaes.. going back hall liaoz.. buhbye!

Fairytale.

2005-09-07T20:26:00.000+08:00

Some friends end up to be great friends.
Some end up to be lovers.
Some end up to be strangers.
And some, well, just friends.

When i first met you,
i thought we can end up being great friends.
But fate reared its ugly head and decided otherwise.

I saw this rainbow in a distance
And decided to walk towards the rainbow's end
hoping to find a pot of gold.
Today i've reached its end
Yet i found emptiness.
It's on the other end.
Anyone who is willing to walk to that end,
i believe,
will be the happiest and wealthiest man in the world.
That is, before the rainbow disappears.
For me, it's just spells the end of a beautiful fairytale
without its fairytale ending.

Now, leave me alone.
and let me busk in solitude.

Song i'm listening to now.

2005-09-06T21:39:00.000+08:00

How I wish I could surrender my soul;
Shed the clothes that become my skin;
See the liar that burns within my needing.
How I wish I'd chosen darkness from cold.
How I wish I had screamed out loud,
Instead I've found no meaning.

I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.

How I wish I could walk through the doors of my mind;
Hold memory close at hand,
Help me understand the years.
How I wish I could choose between Heaven and Hell.
How I wish I would save my soul.
I'm so cold from fear.

I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.
Far, far away; find comfort in pain.
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.

One down, one more to go.

2005-08-20T01:46:00.000+08:00

Hall 7's DnD just ended to what i deem a success! yay! though there were a few hiccups here and there. well.. nothing's flawless.. i find that this one is definitely better than last year's by a mile, probably 2... now what's left is prometheus. shit. lagging behind in the modules liaoz... lack of sleep and so much stuff to do such as JCRC campaigning and upcoming quizzes... sigh.. i really need more than 24 hours in a day. anyway, tired and feeling crappy now. nite.

Thinking.

2005-08-05T03:42:00.000+08:00

Well... since the 1st week of school, i've been asked to run for hall JCRC. for those ignorant ppl out there, fret not 'cause i myself forgot what it stood for. it's been an open secret since... and i really in a dilemma of whether i should take up this portfolio... this sem's modules are already getting on my nerves while on the other hand, it will add a lil more colour to my future resume should i take up the portfolio... hahaha.. what a consolation... well... i still have a lil more time to think about it.. *shrugs* troublesome....

Managed to have sweet dreams over the previous few short nights and i mean literally. the nights are damn short in hall, always sleep deprieved... =(
well... i was told nice dreams cannot be shared for they will not come true.. i'm not taking the chance.. haha.. not that i really care so long as the saying goes, ' 不在乎天长地久，只在乎城经拥有'.. guess can be applied to dreams too.. hee..

Lastly, just wanna say french level 2 is great! funny tutor together with neverending list of verbes and stuff.. glad that i made a right decision to take it. one of few. Bon nuit~

Busy, busy, busy

2005-07-30T23:18:00.000+08:00

Been busy since the last week of holidays. with FOC and the first week of school just passed, can expect busier times ahead. currently, i am down with a bad cough and throat. bad way to end the week. ladened with so many thoughts in my head. feeling confused. headache. night.

thoughts

2005-07-25T02:10:00.000+08:00

Life is full of lots of up and downs
But the distance feels further
When it's headed for the ground
And there's nothing more painful
Then to let your feelings take You down
It's so hard to know
The way you feel inside
When there's many thoughts
And feelings that you hide
But you might feel better
If you let me walk with you
By your side

And when you need
A shoulder to cry on
When you need
A friend to rely on
When the whole world is gone
You won't be alone
I'll be there
I'll be your shoulder to cry on
I'll be there
I'll be your friend to rely on
When the whole world's gone
You won't be alone 'cause I'll be there

All of the times
When everything is wrong
And your feeling like
There's no use going on
You can't give it up
I'll help you work it out
And carry on
Side by side
With you till the end
I'll always be the one
A shoulder to cry on
To firmly hold your hand
No matter what is said or done
Our love will always continue on

Everyone needs a shoulder to cry on
Everyone needs a friend to rely on
When the whole world's gone, you won't be alone'cause
I'll be there
I'll be your shoulder to cry on
I'll be there
I'll be the one to rely one
When the whole world's gone, you wont be alone'cause
I'll be there
And when the whole world is gone
You'll always have my shoulder to cry on

Risks.

2005-07-07T10:29:00.000+08:00

It's all about taking risks.
You win some, you lose some.
For better or worse,
either way, you'll know you had at least gave it a shot
'Cept that i played safe.
wuss.